The Substance review
Are you sick of watching feel-good, heart-warming movies? I think I’ve got the cure with “The Substance.” Demi Moore plays an aging actress, not so unlike herself, named Elisabeth Sparkle who’s Oscar-winning movie career has plummeted. It’s plummeted so much, she’s the host of a Jane Fonda-type workout show. Now, because of her age, she’s even in danger of being fired from that. Also, she doesn’t get the looks from the men anymore that she used to. She’s just feeling extremely depressed about her own mortality and her perceived lack of worth. Enter in The Substance. She’s made aware of The Substance and how it can create a younger, more beautiful, “better” version of yourself. The rule is, the younger version of yourself gets seven days out in the world and then you get seven days. This must be respected. The balance must be respected or else. You are both the same person, not two separate people. As long as you follow the rules, the unspeakable won’t happen. Elisabeth’s younger self, named Sue, is “born” and quickly gets the adoration and career success that Elisabeth once had and it’s addictive. Can she, and Elisabeth follow the seemingly simple seven day rule? As you might’ve guessed, they probably don’t and this movie may, or may not, present the most disturbing and horrifying visuals you’ve ever seen. Is that part of a whole that makes this movie a must-see, or does it just make it a movie you should stay as far away as possible from? Watch this episode to find out! “The Substance” also stars Dennis Quaid in a hilariously, over-the-top performance as a misogynistic Hollywood studio head, maybe not coincidentally named Harvey.
The Crow (2024) review
In the original movie “The Crow” in 1994, there’s a prominent refrain of “It can’t rain all the time.” of course meaning sometimes it rains and sometimes there’s sun. Is this new retelling of “The Crow” in 2024 going to bring us rain or sun? Is it going to disappoint or will it entertain? You’ll have to watch this episode to find out. The new “The Crow” stars Bill Skarsgard (It, Barbarian, John Wick 4) as Eric Draven and FKA twigs as his true love, Shelly. The movie is kicked off by a friend of Shelly’s letting her know that there is something she has that incriminates the big, bad guy in this, played by Danny Huston. As you’d expect, the bad guys know about this and kick off the chase element of this movie. Shelly, in the meantime, is sent to a massive drug rehab center/prison where she meets, and strikes up a relationship with Eric. In one way this turns out to be a bad turn of fate for Eric because he and Shelly are murdered because she knows about that incriminating evidence. Eric, however, isn’t sent to the afterlife, he is offered a chance to go back to the land of the living and put right what was made wrong. In other words, find the scumbags that killed him and Shelly and exact terrible revenge on them. This way he and Shelly can find peace. Also, he has a crow to play criminal Google Maps for him to help Eric find the right baddies. This “The Crow” remake also stars Josette Simon, Laura Birn, Sami Bouajila, Karel Dobry, Jordan Bolger, Sebastian Orozco, David Bowles, Trigga, Samba Goldin, Isabella Wei, Jordan Haj and Dukagjin Podrimaj.
Alien: Romulus review
In 1979, director Ridley Scott got caught up in the “Star Wars” hype and knew he needed to direct a space movie. That movie ended up being “Alien.” Now 45 years later, the Alien franchise is still alive and kicking with the new movie, “Alien: Romulus.” In this latest installment, we start out on a space mining planet with our main character, Rain, played by Cailee Spaeny. She’s trying to find a way off this hazardous planet, to a better planet, with her “brother” Andy who is really a synthetic her Dad programmed to protect her. She then is presented with a plan to get them off the planet by her friend Tyler, which is to fly up to another ship floating above the planet and use that to escape. All of them get up there, along with some others in the group, only to realize it’s not a ship. It’s a seemingly deserted massive scientific space station. They move forward with their plan to find some cryo-pods to use for them to cryo-sleep they’re way to the new planet but you know what they say about best laid plans. Little do they know that this space station isn’t deserted, it’s a graveyard. The reason it is, is still on board and this group unintentionally unleash it and its a nightmare from there. Soon Rain and the group are being chased down by alien face huggers looking to implant their alien seed. On top of that they have another synthetic trying to secure some corporate research from the space station and if humans have to die for it, so be it. The group aren’t allowed off the space station until this mission is complete, all the while, having to try not to get killed or impregnated by killer aliens before the space station crashes. Is it good enough to blast off out of your house to go see? Check out this episode to find out.
Cuckoo review
Some people go to the mountains for vacation, for a little rest and relaxation, not for a sinister and terrifying experience, like the one you see in “Cuckoo.” This movie from German director, Tilman Singer, is about a teenager, Gretchen, who ends up moving with her Dad, her stepmom and much younger half-sister to a mountain resort in the German Alps. There, they are greeted by Herr Konig, who runs the resort and for who Gretchen’s Dad and stepmom will help build a new resort. Gretchen gets serious “stranger, danger” vibes immediately from Herr Konig, played by Dan Stevens, with his creepy voice and suspicious ways of touching her. Gretchen, played by Hunter Schafer, is a fish out of water here and she also soon sees some undoubtedly strange things around the resort. She’s already the stereotypical angst-filled teenager, but soon she also finds herself chased by horrifying entities, and trying to help a cop figure out who’s responsible for several murders at the resort. All while, trying not to get killed and survive one more minute with her stepmom and half-sister, whom she despises. It’s a mountain of trouble in the German Alps and Gretchen just isn’t having a great week. Is it worth your 90 minutes to see why? Check out this episode to find out. “Cuckoo” also stars Jan Bluthardt, Marton Csokas, Jessica Henwick, Mila Lieu, Greta Fernandez, Proschat Madani, Astrid Berges-Frisbey, Konrad Singer, Kalin Morrow and Johannes Benecke.
Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes review
We’ve been getting Planet of the Apes movies for decades now and the latest installment is Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes. This installment jumps many generations into the future after the events of the last Apes movie, 2017’s War for the Planet of the Apes. We meet the main character of this installment, Noa, and his friends and family. They’re part of a peaceful ape clan who raise eagles as part of their tradition. On the eve of Noa’s bonding ceremony with his eagle, murderous invaders lay siege to his clan, and those they don’t kill, they take prisoner. Noa barely survives and recovers only to find all of them gone. He begins a journey to find his clan and rescue them but finds he is being followed by a rare human. He also happens upon an orangutan named Raka and together, with the human, they form a trio for this rescue journey. They’re pursued the entire way by the murderous invaders. Will they be able to rescue the clan on time? Is it worth going to the theater to find out? Check out this review episode to find out. Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes stars Owen Teague, Freya Allan, Kevin Durand, William H. Macy, Peter Macon, Lydia Peckham, Dichen Lachman, Sara Wiseman, Karin Konoval and Eka Darville.
The Fall Guy review
Movie stars are made to look heroic, awesome, tough and gritty in their movies and who makes them look that way? Stunt men and women. The Fall Guy is a love letter to the stunt community within the movie business directed by former stuntman David Leitch. It’s of course also a take on the hit 1980s Lee Majors TV show of the same name. This time it’s Ryan Gosling playing Colt Seaver as a Hollywood stuntman who moonlights as a detective of sorts. Colt is the stuntman for the biggest movie star in the world up until something drastic happens. When that happens he vanishes, including ghosting his flame, a movie writer named Jody played by Emily Blunt. However, he’s called back into action when his old job suddenly becomes available again. Does he want to jump off buildings, barrel roll cars, get set on fire and do all the things stunt people do again? When he finds out his former flame Jody is directing the movie the stuntman opening is for, well that changes the game. You get explosions, car chases, gun fights, an action movie lovers dream and work that keeps plenty of stunt people employed. Is it worth checking out at the theater? Watch this episode to find out. The Fall Guy also stars Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Hannah Waddingham, Teresa Palmer, Stephanie Hsu, Winston Duke, Ben Knight, Matuse, Adam Dunn, Zara Michales, Angela Nica Sullen and Megan O’Connell.
True Lies review
I go back to 1994 for this week’s review. Specifically the epic, action-packed Arnold Schwarzenegger spy thriller True Lies. This was James Cameron teaming up again with his Terminator for this big budget, eye-popping spectacle. Schwarzenegger plays Harry Tasker who has his wife and daughter convinced that he’s just a dull to the bone computer salesman. In reality he’s a spy for the covert Omega Sector hunting down and stopping threats. Things get dicey when he hears something that makes him think his wife is having an affair and he investigates. Some terrorists really end up spoiling his investigation, just to launch a nuclear attack plot on the United States. Schwarzenegger is joined by Jamie Lee Curtis as his wife, Eliza Dushku as his daughter, Tom Arnold as his partner and the late, great Bill Paxton as “super spy” Simon. If, amazingly you haven’t seen this, is it worth checking out? Watch my retro review of True Lies to find out. True Lies co-stars Tia Carrere, Art Malik, Grant Heslov and Charlton Heston.
The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare review
The British pride themselves on being gentlemanly. That goes all out the window in the movie The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare when they know they’re dealing with Nazis during World War II. British officers, along with none other than Winston Churchill himself, send a team of bad boys to deal a critical blow to the German submarine fleet. This team is led by Henry Cavill, who’s character they had to let out of military prison to lead this team. He’s joined by Alan Ritchson, Alex Pettyfer, Henry Golding and Hero Fiennes Tiffin. The boys find themselves heading towards Africa where the boats that supply the German submarine fleet is headquartered. These ungentlemanly bad boys are tasked with wreaking havoc on this submarine supply system. They also get help from Eiza Gonzalez as a half-Jewish actress who is very motivated to hurt Nazis and Babs Olusanmokun who is a casino owner near these headquarters, who doubles as a British spy. The action gets good and brutal, you might say, downright ungentlemanly. Is it worth a gentleman and gentlelady taking the trip to the theater to check this out? Check out this episode to find out. This also stars Cary Elwes, Rory Kinnear, Til Schweiger, Freddie Fox, James Wilby, Henrique Zaga, Danny Sapani, Matthew Hawksley, Simon Paisley Day, Mark Oosterveen and Victor Oshin.
Civil War review
Up until this movie, everyone has had to picture only in their mind what the next civil war in America would look like. Now the new movie from director Alex Garland, “Civil War”, provides the visual representation of what such a war would look like. As you’d expect, it’s horrifying and brutal and the protagonists in this movie are there to take pictures of much of it. Kirsten Dunst and Cailee Spaeny play war photographers along with Wagner Moura and Stephen McKinley Henderson working alongside them. They all embark on a road trip from New York City to Washington D.C. to try to get an interview with the President of the United States before the forces fighting him take him out. Along the way, they see the horrors of this civil war and come close to death themselves. This isn’t war fighting in some other country. This is a bloody war in these modern times in America. Is it worth your time and strength to experience this movie? Check out this episode to find out. “Civil War” also stars Nick Offerman, Jefferson White, Nelson Lee, Evan Lai, Vince Pisani, Justin James Boykin, Jess Matney, Greg Hill, Edmund Donovan, Tim James, Simeon Freeman, James Yaegashi, Dean Grimes and Alexa Mansour.
Monkey Man review
If one of the things on your bucket list is to see a movie that is part John Wick, part RRR and part Slumdog Millionaire, prepare to be happy. I give you Monkey Man directed by Slumdog Millionaire’s Dev Patel. He also stars in this as the main character named Kid who is a street fighter that gets paid to be the heel in fights. The guy that gets beat up and loses every night. He wears a monkey mask hence the name of the movie. However there is more than meets the eye with this guy. He’s not just going through life aimlessly getting beat up nightly. He’s trying to get to someone however he can. What does he want with them? What is he going to do to them? We are shown whoever it is, they’re part of a corrupt, violent, evil criminal empire and Kid is going to have to watch his every move or it could be his last. The movie is stylish, yet gritty and grimy. You get brutal fighting, high speed chases and beautiful women. Does it all add up to a movie that you should check out at the theater? Watch this episode to find out that very thing. Monkey Man also stars Sharlto Copley, Pitobash, Vipin Sharma, Sikandar Kher, Adithi Kalkunte, Sobhita Dhulipala, Ashwini Kalsekar, Makrand Deshpande, Jatin Malik and Zakir Hussain.
The Crow review
When someone makes a list of the best 90s movies, this week’s movie is usually on the list. I bring you my review of classic, The Crow. The Crow was Brandon Lee’s final film. He sadly was accidentally killed on the set of The Crow. He was famously precluded in death by his father Bruce Lee, who also died far too early in life. We still got a masterful performance by Brandon Lee as Eric Draven, who comes back from the dead to avenge his, and his fiancée’s, murder. He goes up against some slimy baddies led by the murderous and twisted Michael Wincott as Top Dollar. He gets help from a cop played by Ernie Hudson and his friend Sarah played by Rochelle Davis. The action, the drama, the tension is all accompanied by a edgy, hard-hitting lineup of tracks that enhance it all. Join me to do a deep dive on this dark classic. The Crow also stars David Patrick Kelly, Jon Polito, Bai Ling, Tony Todd, Sofia Shinas, Anna Thomson, Angel David, Laurence Mason, Michael Massee, Bill Raymond, Marco Rodriguez and Kim Sykes.
Godzilla Minus One review
This guy is big, scaly, has razor sharp teeth, atomic breath and is almost 70 years old. His name? Godzilla and his new movie Godzilla Minus One is creating some major buzz. The word of mouth is rampaging across the world. Made by the original Godzilla movie studio Toho in Japan, Godzilla Minus One starts towards the end of World War II with a kamikaze pilot who’s ashamed he couldn’t perform his duty. To make things worse, he has a near-death encounter with Godzilla and is one of just a couple survivors of the attack. Yet, to make matters even worse than that, he returns to Tokyo to find his parents have been killed and his country is destroyed. If he, and Japan think they’re getting any rest, think again because the Godzilla attacks begin and he’s not coming to help humankind. Is Godzilla Minus One worth all the buzz it’s getting? Check out my spoiler-free review here to find out. Godzilla Minus One stars Ryunosuke Kamiki, Minami Hamabe, Sakura Ando, Kuranosuke Sasaki, Munetaka Aoki, Yuki Yamada, Hidetaka Yoshioka, Michael Arias, Yuya Endo, Kisuke Iida.
Silent Night review
After seeing this movie, when you sing Silent Night, you might start thinking of automatic weapons and gang members. Silent Night is directed by John Woo and stars Joel Kinnaman as a Dad who’s young son has been killed by gang members. He’s understandably wrought with grief and filled with rage. He decides that he’s going after the gang that took his son and turned his life into a living hell. Not sounding at all like what the song Silent Night is about? Exactly. The silent part comes from when he’s shot in the throat by a gang member and permanently loses his voice. That doesn’t stop him from training to be Rambo and looking for some payback. Does this movie have very much to do with Christmas? Watch my spoiler-free review to find out and to see if it’s worth firing up the sleigh for this movie. Silent Night also stars Catalina Sandino Moreno, Kid Cudi, Harold Torres, Vinny O’Brien, Yoko Hamamura, Anthony Giulietti and John Pollack.
Thanksgiving review
Halloween and Christmas get the horror movie treatment, but Thanksgiving has largely been ignored. Not anymore. Someone pulled the right wishbone and director Eli Roth has brought us the new slasher flick “Thanksgiving.” Set in Plymouth, Massachusetts, where the pilgrims actually landed, Roth gives us a story of a vengeful serial killer unleashing terror on the town. This killer’s disguise is in the form of a mask of John Carver, one of the pilgrims that sailed over on the Mayflower. This killer has got some carving to do and he isn’t talking about turkey. Is it worth sitting at this Thanksgiving table? Check out this spoiler-free review to find out! “Thanksgiving” stars Patrick Dempsey, Gina Gershon, Nell Verlaque, Rick Hoffman, Ty Olsson, Lynne Griffin, Karen Cliche, Derek McGrath, Katherine Trowell, Jalen Thomas Brooks, Mika Amonsen, Amanda Barker, Shailyn Griffin, Tim Dillon, Chris Sandiford, Tomaso Sanelli, Xavier Sabeta, Milo Manheim, James Goldman, Nicholas Reynoldson, Yusuf Zine.
Commando review
In this episode, I’m going Commando. The 1985 Arnold Schwarzenegger classic bullets and bodies action extravaganza, that is! I’m going retro this week since there’s nothing good enough at the theaters to review for my beloved movie maniacs and fellow freedom-fueled film fanatics. Commando is about ex-Special Forces soldier John Matrix trying to save his daughter after she’s kidnapped to force him to assassinate a president. Matrix escapes the baddies tasked with escorting him to the country to kill the president, and the action blows up from there. He’s joined by Rae Dawn Chong, as Cindy, who involuntarily at first, becomes his valuable ally. Will he get his daughter, played by Alyssa Milano, back in time? Of course he will! Commando also stars the late great Bill Paxton in a small role, Dan Hedaya, Vernon Wells, David Patrick Kelly, James Olson, Bill Duke, Drew Snyder, Sharon Wyatt, Michael DeLano and Bob Minor.
Expendables 4 review
Did you ever wish Cocoon was more of an action movie? Well, get ready to be happy, because I give you Expendables 4 where they mix age with rage and have to be in traction with too much action! Sylvester Stallone returns as Barney Ross as does Jason Statham as Lee Christmas. It’s been 9 years since the last Expendables movie. Did we need another one? You be the judge, but I give you my thoughts in this spoiler-free review. This time Megan Fox, 50 Cent, Levy Tran, Iko Uwais, Tony Jaa, Jacob Scipio and Andy Garcia join the party. The Expendables are sent after a big bad with evil nuclear intentions. It’s time for them to kick some ass! This also stars Dolph Lundgren, Randy Couture, Lucy Newman-Williams, Daren Nop, Kenny ‘Cowboy’ Bartram, Cody Mackie, Cokey Falkow, Dan Chupong and Karim Saidi.
Murder in the First review
In this episode, per fan request, I retro review the 1995 movie Murder in the First starring Christian Slater, Kevin Bacon and Gary Oldman. This movie is loosely based on the life of Henri Young, played by Bacon, who tried to escape Alcatraz and was thrown in the hole for over 3 years. He then ends up killing the inmate that ratted out their escape attempt and is put on trial. Slater plays Young’s defense attorney who is unluckily assigned the case by the public defender. Oldman plays the sadistic assistant warden of Alcatraz who enjoys torturing Young. The movie goes over the trial and the subsequent verdict. If you haven’t seen the movie, check out this review to see if it’s worth changing that reality. If you’ve seen it, watch to find out what someone else thinks of it. Murder in the First also stars Embeth Davidtz, William H. Macy, R. Lee Ermey, Stephen Tobolowsky, Brad Dourif, Mia Kirshner, Ben Slack, Stefan Gierasch, Kyra Sedgwick.